sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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