All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
