Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
