if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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