I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
