New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
