it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
