If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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