dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
