My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
