Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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