So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
