I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
