I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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