HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
