i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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