dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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