How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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