Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
