Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
