You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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