Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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