Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
