mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
