are you so shy because you have an std?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
