K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
