I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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