I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
