you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
