I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
