well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
