masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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