I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
