i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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