HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
