he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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