her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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