I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
