He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
