I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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