U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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