Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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