The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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