Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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