4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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