I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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