Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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