naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
