i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
