soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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