theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
