Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
