That's intense
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
