Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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