But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
