I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
